Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Healthy loving

At times, I get confused regarding healthy love.  Jesus has instructed me to love all people.  However, I can't find one single time that He tells us to love in an unhealthy way.

Recently, I was in a situation where a person was sucking the life out of me.  She was being very passive aggressive and manipulative.  Sadly, she is very insecure and demands that those around her take care of her feelings, including her children.  As I was sitting talking with her, I felt my frustration rise and my skin began to crawl.  I'm just being honest...

When the event was finally over and I was able to leave, I felt like a ticking time bomb.  I don't like being manipulated with pouting, poor me comments, and sighs.I went home and talked with my husband.  I told him all of my feelings, including feeling very badly for even being frustrated.  I was feeling like a bad Jesus girl because I was at my wits end with the situation.  Why is it that if I don't hear birds singing, I feel guilt??  

My husband said something that made me step back and really think.  He said, "Don't you think this is what you are supposed to be feeling?  You weren't called by Jesus to be a punching bag or to love in an unhealthy way."  He told me that it was good that this situation made me uncomfortable because true love will never be carried in on manipulation and games.

I struggle with this love thing.  I have realized that I don't feel like I am loving if I'm not pleasing people.  These two things are not one in the same.  Love is not enabling someone to stay in a mindset or situation that causes them pain.  If I say exactly what someone wants to hear or behave in unhealthy ways, that is not love.  Love can be hard, but love is what we have been called to do.  True love is a healthy, unselfish love that always points to Jesus.  True love is grace, mercy, and forgiveness without any games attached.  


  1. I suffer from the "people pleasing" thing too- God has gently been working with me about it. But it is easy to fall back into that mind set - especially since that is how I lived my life for probably 40 years.. those habits that have gone one forever are hard to break.
    God bless you as you continue to encourage us with your experiences, Lisa :O)

  2. i've struggled with this a lot too. actually just read a book recently on setting boundaries with people. but you're right- love is not allowing yourself to be walked on. you're responsible for yourself and to others, but not for others...

  3. Oh sweetie! I hear you loud and clear! But God never calls for us to be manipulated or allow ourselves to be hurt in the process. Sometimes loving on someone means setting boundaries, distancing yourself physically, and praying like crazy for that person!

  4. So true! I have been thinking about this very thing. I have discovered that if we let Jesus be our guide, he will lead us in the way of his love, which is not always "sunshine and roses." Truly loving people is sometimes hard, because loving and pleasing are not always the same.

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  7. Your husband is soooo right. I'm sure the person you are referring to is used to people running the other way when she appears. She probably doesn't know how to carry on a conversation without drama. I have some people in my life like that too. It is hard to be nice when you know that you are being used. We should never mistreat anyone, but it isn't easy to be around someone like you described. Maybe honesty is the best policy. Maybe she needs someone to tell her the truth in love and help her get some professional help. Hugs...I'm no expert! I loved your phrase..."Why is it if I don't hear birds singing, I feel guilt?" So funny but so true of many of us.

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  11. Hey, blog friend! I hate that you had to go through this experience, but it sounds like your wise husband had some good advice. I think sweet people like you get taken advantage of most because those kinds of people know you'll listen to them. I've missed you on here. I nominated you for a Liebster blog award if you want to join in the fun! ;-)

  12. I love that you shared this. I always feel like a 'bad Christian' when I get irritated by people. It's hard to know when to place a boundary. Your husband was spot on!

    Good to see you my friend! Things are GOOD and Nolan should be home this weekend. I also published a new book!

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  20. Been thinking about you sweet lady! Hope all is well and you are enjoying the summer with your wonderful family :)
    Can you believe your little boy is headed off to college?! It is such a good time and I am so excited for the experience he will have at A&M. Long story short-Avery and I will be moving to College Station in the fall. Let him know if there is this old blonde girl staring at him strangely to not be alarmed ;)
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  21. Marci, I don't know what is going on in your life right now, but I just wanted you to know you are not forgotten in blog land. I really miss you and all of your inspiring and uplifting messages. A lot has happened in the last few months, and I always miss a "friend" who shines a light for Jesus even in dark times!


I love connecting with you all through comments. Your words bring my heart joy.