Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Healthy loving



At times, I get confused regarding healthy love.  Jesus has instructed me to love all people.  However, I can't find one single time that He tells us to love in an unhealthy way.

Recently, I was in a situation where a person was sucking the life out of me.  She was being very passive aggressive and manipulative.  Sadly, she is very insecure and demands that those around her take care of her feelings, including her children.  As I was sitting talking with her, I felt my frustration rise and my skin began to crawl.  I'm just being honest...

When the event was finally over and I was able to leave, I felt like a ticking time bomb.  I don't like being manipulated with pouting, poor me comments, and sighs.I went home and talked with my husband.  I told him all of my feelings, including feeling very badly for even being frustrated.  I was feeling like a bad Jesus girl because I was at my wits end with the situation.  Why is it that if I don't hear birds singing, I feel guilt??  

My husband said something that made me step back and really think.  He said, "Don't you think this is what you are supposed to be feeling?  You weren't called by Jesus to be a punching bag or to love in an unhealthy way."  He told me that it was good that this situation made me uncomfortable because true love will never be carried in on manipulation and games.

I struggle with this love thing.  I have realized that I don't feel like I am loving if I'm not pleasing people.  These two things are not one in the same.  Love is not enabling someone to stay in a mindset or situation that causes them pain.  If I say exactly what someone wants to hear or behave in unhealthy ways, that is not love.  Love can be hard, but love is what we have been called to do.  True love is a healthy, unselfish love that always points to Jesus.  True love is grace, mercy, and forgiveness without any games attached.  


22 comments:

  1. I suffer from the "people pleasing" thing too- God has gently been working with me about it. But it is easy to fall back into that mind set - especially since that is how I lived my life for probably 40 years.. those habits that have gone one forever are hard to break.
    God bless you as you continue to encourage us with your experiences, Lisa :O)

    ReplyDelete
  2. i've struggled with this a lot too. actually just read a book recently on setting boundaries with people. but you're right- love is not allowing yourself to be walked on. you're responsible for yourself and to others, but not for others...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh sweetie! I hear you loud and clear! But God never calls for us to be manipulated or allow ourselves to be hurt in the process. Sometimes loving on someone means setting boundaries, distancing yourself physically, and praying like crazy for that person!

    ReplyDelete
  4. So true! I have been thinking about this very thing. I have discovered that if we let Jesus be our guide, he will lead us in the way of his love, which is not always "sunshine and roses." Truly loving people is sometimes hard, because loving and pleasing are not always the same.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Everything is very open with a really clear clarification of the issues.

    It was truly informative. Your site is very useful.
    Thanks for sharing!

    Here is my web site; sargentgolfinstruction.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Chicago pizza іs usually mеaty (some vагіants
    сοme stuffeԁ with сheeseѕ and meat layers) and it іs eaten with а κnifе and fork.
    This annual рlant can be grown in an сontaіner, anԁ wіll yiеld between 1-2 cups of fresh basil.

    Ѕometimеs the pizza slice seller ωill
    ρlace youг pгecіous рortion inѕide of а triangle-shаpеd cardboard containеr, smile, then wave you
    on your merгy way.

    Here is my blog post Pizza Pan Avon Lake

    ReplyDelete
  7. Your husband is soooo right. I'm sure the person you are referring to is used to people running the other way when she appears. She probably doesn't know how to carry on a conversation without drama. I have some people in my life like that too. It is hard to be nice when you know that you are being used. We should never mistreat anyone, but it isn't easy to be around someone like you described. Maybe honesty is the best policy. Maybe she needs someone to tell her the truth in love and help her get some professional help. Hugs...I'm no expert! I loved your phrase..."Why is it if I don't hear birds singing, I feel guilt?" So funny but so true of many of us.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Heу theгe! Ӏ've been reading your site for a while now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Porter Tx! Just wanted to tell you keep up the fantastic job!

    Check out my webpage - Chemietoilette

    ReplyDelete
  9. An infοгmation аnd іnstгuctional site for thе homе pizzа coοk.

    Αfter yοu've got the crust rolled out, transfer it to your pan or pizza stone. For several weeks I had been seeing this commercial on television telling about a new pizza and since I love pizza I decided to purchase one on my next shopping trip.

    my web-site :: Ttlink.Com

    ReplyDelete
  10. I know this if off topic but I'm looking into starting my own weblog and was wondering what all is needed to get set up? I'm assuming having
    a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I'm not very internet smart so I'm not 100% certain. Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated. Appreciate it

    Feel free to visit my page - jocuri copii on line

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hey, blog friend! I hate that you had to go through this experience, but it sounds like your wise husband had some good advice. I think sweet people like you get taken advantage of most because those kinds of people know you'll listen to them. I've missed you on here. I nominated you for a Liebster blog award if you want to join in the fun! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  12. I love that you shared this. I always feel like a 'bad Christian' when I get irritated by people. It's hard to know when to place a boundary. Your husband was spot on!

    Good to see you my friend! Things are GOOD and Nolan should be home this weekend. I also published a new book!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Have you ever considered about including a little bit more
    than just your articles? I mean, what you say is valuable and everything.
    However imagine if you added some great visuals or video clips to give your posts more, "pop"!

    Your content is excellent but with pics and
    videos, this site could definitely be one of the very best in
    its field. Very good blog!

    Review my webpage; Juegos Online

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thank you a bunch for sharing this with all people you actually realize what you are speaking about!
    Bookmarked. Please also talk over with my site =). We will
    have a link alternate arrangement among us

    my web page; jocuri onlain cu impuscaturi

    ReplyDelete
  15. I have been bгoωsing online more than three hours today, yet I nеver fοund any interesting article liκe yours.

    It is рretty woгth enough for me. In my νiew,
    if аll web owners and bloggers maԁe good content as
    you dіd, the net ωill be a lot more useful than еver befoгe.



    Hегe is mу wеbѕite; yacht rental st tropez

    ReplyDelete
  16. I hагdly comment, however і did а feω seаrchіng аnd wounԁ up here "Healthy loving".
    Αnԁ I do hаve some questions for you if
    іt's allright. Is it only me or does it look as if like some of these remarks appear as if they are coming from brain dead individuals? :-P And, if you are writing at other online sites, I'd liκe to fοlloω anything neω you have to pοst.
    Cοulԁ yοu mаkе a lіst
    of every one of your shared pagеs like yоur twittеr feed, Faсebooκ page or linkeԁin profilе?


    Here іs my weblog ... dentalshout.com

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hello my friеnd! ӏ ωish tо
    say that thіѕ аrticle is amazing, nice written аnd
    incluԁe almost all νital infos. I would like to peer morе postѕ lіke thiѕ .



    Feel freе to visit my ωеb blоg people chat rooms

    ReplyDelete
  18. Marci-- I sent you a couple emails. Not sure if you got them. You don't even have to publish this comment. Just wanted to make sure you got them re the DSLR class if you're still interested. Contact me if you'd still like further info.
    nancy
    nancyvnjourney@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  19. You could dеfinitely sеe yоur expеrtise in the wοгk уοu wгitе.
    Τhe sector hopеs foг evеn mοre ρassionаtе wгiteгs liκе yοu who
    aгe not afгаiԁ to mention how theу belіеve.
    Аll the tіmе gο аftеr your hеart.


    my web-ѕitе: chatroulette

    ReplyDelete
  20. Been thinking about you sweet lady! Hope all is well and you are enjoying the summer with your wonderful family :)
    Can you believe your little boy is headed off to college?! It is such a good time and I am so excited for the experience he will have at A&M. Long story short-Avery and I will be moving to College Station in the fall. Let him know if there is this old blonde girl staring at him strangely to not be alarmed ;)
    Have a blessed day!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Marci, I don't know what is going on in your life right now, but I just wanted you to know you are not forgotten in blog land. I really miss you and all of your inspiring and uplifting messages. A lot has happened in the last few months, and I always miss a "friend" who shines a light for Jesus even in dark times!

    ReplyDelete

I love connecting with you all through comments. Your words bring my heart joy.