Yea, me too. My heart aches at some of my past choices and sins. Sometimes I think upon them with such shame and wonder what in the world was I thinking!?
When I feel the heavy heat of shame overtake my heart, I have to remind myself that Jesus' ways are not my ways. His thinking is not mine. He isn't seated on His beautiful throne reliving our disgusting sins. He is filling His heart each moment with love for us. He is looking upon our obedience and desire to live for Him and saying, "That a girl! I have faith in you, sweet child."
You may be reading this and thinking, "How on earth can you be so sure? You have no idea of the sins I have in my locked up closet."
I know because Jesus tells us it's so. Allow me to show you-
Luke 7:36-50 tells us that Jesus was at the home of a Pharisee dining when a woman who was labeled a sinner came in and wept at His feet. She cleansed Jesus' feet with her painful tears and rubbed her very expensive fragrant oil on them. The Pharisee was outwardly horrified and disgusted. He asked Jesus if He knew what kind of woman was touching Him and how on earth He could allow it.
The woman was labeled a sinner. We are all sinners so I am led to believe that she had a very open sin that the town knew about. The Scriptures do not detail her sin but if my guess is correct, I would say she was a prostitute. I would bet she has a harried past and feels great shame and embarrassment. I would also bet that many in the town treated her like yesterday's trash and looked down upon her.
Jesus explains to the Pharisee that those who are forgiven much, love much. Jesus also tells the woman that she is forgiven. He does not shame her or validate the Pharisee. He actually calls the Pharisee out for being...well a Pharisee.
The best part of this story is told to us in Matthew 26:13-
I assure you: Wherever this gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what this woman has done will also be told in memory of her.
Jesus assures us that our faith will be remembered, not our sins. Our legacies will be based on our faith and devotion to Christ, not on our harried pasts that make our hearts heavy at times.
Isn't that an awesome balm for our hearts?!
While many of us wish we could erase our past sins, they are actually what have caused our hearts to be so devoted to our Savior. Because we have been forgiven much, we love Him so very much. He cleaned up our messes and threw His loving arms around us. He welcomes us into His great Kingdom with open arms and a love that spins our heads with great devotion.
Be encouraged, sweet friends. You are loved with a great fierceness by your King.