Steadfast Wins the Race

Let’s be honest, we live in a world where we are told that we should look out for number one. To be truly happy, we should be our top priority. We have been conditioned to believe that the purpose of living is to be happy, no matter the cost. 

Life is all about us, right? Wrong! In fact, if you take an inventory of your life, I bet you’ll discover that your happiest moments, most joyous times, are when you are not focused on yourself at all. A bit of upside down thinking in our world.

Jesus has called us to love others and to look at them as more important than ourselves. Our work on this earth is to glorify Him by loving Him best and pouring His love into others. This isn’t always easy. In fact, it sometimes feels downright impossible to love others. Let’s be clear, Jesus never calls us to be a doormat. We are never to condone abuse or bullying of ourselves. That is not love for ourselves or the other person. 

So how can we be steadfast and firm in doing the work of the Lord? We can hold our tongues rather than lashing out. We can be charitable with our time and talents. We can help a neighbor in need. We can put down our phones and have real conversations. We can forgive.

What is something you can do today for the Lord? Whatever it is, be steadfast and firm. Your heart will be glad.

1 Corinthians 15:58 - Be firm, steadfast, always fully devoted to the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

Go deeper with these corresponding verses:

Galatians 6:9 and Colossians 3:23-24

Not Your Ordinary Forgiveness Post

Ever been wronged?

Treated badly?

Gossiped about by a friend?

Been made to feel like a loser?

Rejected/abandoned?

Manipulated?

Gaslit?

Yep, same.  I raise my hand to all of those instances and more.  In truth, it makes me really angry sometimes to recall these.  In actuality, there are times these treatments occur and/or continue.

I have read countless articles, blog posts, and books about forgiveness.  Some have been super helpful, while some have made ME feel like the problem.  The latter infuriates me.  Nothing like victim blaming and shaming.

I'm just going to be transparent.  There's no use in hiding truths.  No one grows, learns, or can relate when we try and appear perfect, or dang near there.  I'm so over the facade of perfection.  I'm convinced that the people who try and make others think that their lives are perfect and they are perfect are the ones that are hurting the most.  If they can get others to think they are perfect, get some worship going, they may have a moment, or moments, where the pain subsides.

My earliest memories are of feelings of pain.  People talk about great childhood memories.  Not me.  I have some good memories.  Some that I may even be able to consider great.  However, my childhood was wrought with abandonment, rejection, manipulation, and abuse.  I was the caretaker physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I cannot remember a time when I was carefree.  I learned from a very young age that my words mattered.  To speak truth about my feelings was not allowed.  I was to always build the adults around me up.  It was my job and responsibility to take care of emotions.  To do otherwise resulted in the adult in charge becoming a raging victim.

I became a great actress.  I could have won an award type actress!  On occasion, I am still that little actress in a grown woman's body.  More than on occasion if I'm being honest.

As an adult, I continued in what I knew.  I knew how to excuse behaviors, cover up behaviors to protect the culprit, and blame myself.  Real healthy, I tell you!

There are still a few people in my life who are culprits.  Unfortunately, I cannot rid my life of them.  

I have learned how to take up for myself, bite back when needed, and consider the source (as my dad would say).

What used to cut me so low that I would allow myself to feel like the biggest loser and idiot now makes me angry.  It also makes me dislike the perpetrator(s).  

I used to struggle with this, as I am a Jesus loving girl.  I came to the realization that Jesus doesn't instruct us to put up with people's crap and poor treatment.  It's okay to dislike people.  We are called to ask for wisdom and discernment.  To be gifted with these means we are fully aware of behaviors and treatments that don't honor Jesus or look like Jesus.  

Jesus instructs us to love.  When we allow poor treatment, we aren't loving ourselves.  We also aren't truly loving the other person.  Plain and simple.

So forgiveness...

Nothing irks me more than a holier than thou person.  I am not going to feed you any of that.  I would likely throw up on myself while trying to type.

What I am going to tell you is that forgiveness for me and my sanity looks like realizing that no one gets to define me or treat me poorly.  When a person tries, I am going to take up for myself.  I am also going to walk away from a person or situation if possible.  

Biblically, forgiveness is giving it to God and not dwelling on it.  It's not excusing the person or ever allowing it.  

My advice to someone who is walking around feeling miserable because of someone's past or present treatment is to take up for yourself.  Sometimes this looks like not answering the person, not engaging in dialogue.  At times, it's walking away in the moment or for good.

I also have embraced boundaries.  I created specific boundaries for those in my life who harm me.  I stick to them too.  I refuse to share anything personal with those that I know will use the information against me at a later time.  I am not going to spend time with those who get their kicks off of kicking me to make themselves feel more important.  And a big one - I am not going to take care of other's emotions.  Ever.  

My definition of forgiveness goes something like this...

Forgiveness - the act of never allowing others to define you, rule you, or treat you poorly.  When someone behaves or speaks in an unkind or manipulative way, walk away and dust off the hurt.  Do not allow the pain to take up residence in your heart.  Consider the source!

I'm not going to lie, I have been known to say ugly things in my head as an ugly (on the inside!) person is trying to cut me down or treat me poorly.  It helps, just sayin'....

I hope this gives you hope, help, and a way out of the pain.

With great love,

Marci

Always Loved

Acknowledging that we were thrown in pits is painful and can cause us to feel like we are slipping back in.  Memories can be slippery slopes.  Don’t allow the enemy to convince you that you deserved it or that you are unloved.  I’ve allowed myself to feel both and, I promise a million times over, they are bold faced lies that the enemy uses to keep you from knowing your worth in Jesus.

Before we dig into Joseph (our first pit dweller), I want to prove to you that the enemy is out to keep you from Jesus.  He twists Scripture just enough to get us to believe the lies.  His all-time favorite saying is, “Did God really say?”

Please open your Bible and read Genesis 2:8-9.

God caused trees to grow out of the ground.  What are the two things that the trees were good for? ____________________________________________________________

The trees were good for eating and were beautiful to look at.  God satisfied man with His fantastic creation through bellies and eyes. 

Circle the correct answer:  Did you notice anything in the above Scripture that spoke about touching the trees?

Yes

No

Keep your answer in mind, as we will circle back to it in a bit.

Now read Genesis 2:15-17.

God lovingly places the man in the garden of Eden.  Prior to his placement, the trees were wonderfully planted and grew.  God prepared everything the man would need for nourishment. As the man was being placed in the garden, God commanded him regarding what trees were for consumption and what tree was off limits. 

Fill in the blanks:

And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are ________ to eat from any tree of the garden, but you must _____ eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for on the day you eat from it, you will __________ die.”

From the beginning of time, God has given His children free will.  He instructed the man on what tree to eat from and what tree to avoid.  Notice He said, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden”.  After stating the freedom, He clearly told of the consequence of not following His command. God will always instruct us in our ways, but He will not force us.  He loves us so deeply and dearly, and He desires the same kind of love in return. 

Have you ever tried to force someone to love you? If so, briefly record the circumstances and results below.

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Forced love is not real love.  It never has been and never will be.

Read Genesis 2:20-25.

The Lord recognizes that the man, Adam, was alone.  He knew prior to the creation that relationships are essential.  He lovingly created the woman, Eve.  He did not create her to be second best.  He did not create her to be Adam’s subordinate.  God created Eve with great love for her and for Adam.

Fill in the blank.

Genesis 2:20b: but for the man, no ___________ was found corresponding to him.

In our society, we view the word “helper” to mean an assistant.  As a former teacher, I had a classroom helper each day.  The classroom helper assisted me in tasks I needed, such as sharpening pencils, taking notes to the office, passing out papers, etc.  We often view a helper as second best, not having the same standing as the one being helped.

The Hebrew word for helper is Ezer.  Ezer is used 21 times in the Old Testament.  It refers to Eve 2 times, the powerful nations that Israel calls on for help when they are being attacked or threatened to be attacked, and 16 times as God our help.

God does not work for us; He comes alongside us when we are in need.  It is with love He does this, not any idea or thought or subordinacy. 

In his book Man and Woman: One in Christ, Philip Paynes states it this way:

“The noun used her [ezer] throughout the Old Testament does not suggest ‘helper’ as in ‘servant’, but help, savior, rescuer, protector as in ‘God is our help’.  In no other occurrence in the Old Testament does this refer to an inferior, but always a superior or an equal …’help’ expresses that the woman is a help/strength who rescues or saves man.”

God did not create the woman to be the man’s servant.  He created her to serve with the man.  That’s a huge difference!  God’s love for women is as strong as His love for men.  Many would like us to believe otherwise.  Thankfully, God’s truths trump man’s truths a million times over.

Notice that God gave the man commands regarding the garden of Eden prior to bringing the woman to life. 

Continue forward in Genesis and read 3:1-10.

And then there was the fall.  I pointed out that God gave the man garden commands before offering the woman as his ezer.  Does this mean that the man did not communicate God’s desires to the woman?  I mean, come on, we all know men struggle with communication!  Maybe he thought he told her but didn’t.  He could have sworn he told her as he was watching a game on TV.  A story as old as time!

All joking aside, the man most certainly communicated God’s commands to the woman.  Everything in the garden of Eden was perfect. The relationship between the two was surely beautiful and wonderful.  Think about it-God walked with the couple throughout the garden often.  Imagine the conversations they had.  There had to be laughter, love, joking, as well as serious talk.  The three must have had such great fellowship.

Just for fun, describe a scene between the three. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The fall was just as much the man’s fault as it was the woman’s.  Genesis 3:1 describes the serpent (the enemy) as the most cunning.

The Oxford Dictionary defines cunning as “having or showing skill in achieving one’s end by deceit or evasion”.

The enemy knew exactly what he was doing.  He was well aware that if he used a sprinkling of truth mixed with a sprinkling of a lie, he would have the couple eating out of his hands, literally.

Write the question the enemy poses to the couple at the end of 3:1.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Did God really say…

Did God really say that you had to be true to your marriage if you no longer feel love?

Did God really say you can’t live with your partner if you aren’t married?

Did God really say that we need to look to Him in all things? Shouldn’t we be able to rely on ourselves?

Did God really say that we are to serve others over ourselves?

Write out a few that come to your mind.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Reread verses 2:16-17 and compare it to verses 3:2-3.  What difference do you see?

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yep!  God never said the couple couldn’t touch the tree.  The woman certainly knew God’s command.  She walked with Him in the garden for goodness sakes!  She let her guard down and allowed the presence of evil to swoon her.

Proverbs 4:23

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (NIV)

Can you think of a time when you let your guard down and quickly fell out of step with God’s decrees?  It can happen in the blink of an eye.  We must continuously guard our hearts and allow the Holy Spirit to lead us.  I have found that praying for discernment and leading really helps in my day-to-day connections with others.

Reread Genesis 2:17 and Genesis 3:4.

The enemy blatantly lied to the woman, and she fell for it.  Sadly, how often do we do the same?  We get caught up in a person’s words and perceived care for us, and we fall right into their trap.  It can happen in the snap of a finger.  One minute we are walking with God, and the next we are being wooed by the enemy.  He tricks us with word changes, guilt, shame, and self-absorption.

We see in Genesis 3:4-7 the woman and the man don’t think twice about tasting the fruit.  The allure of wisdom sunk it’s teeth into their pride and they sunk their teeth into the fruit. And everything changed. One bite led to shame.  It led to wanting to hide from God.  Imagine how they must of kicked themselves.  Do you think the phrase, “if only” ran through their minds?  Do you think they made excuses, blamed the other? I’m certain we can all identify with the gut pain a wrong decision causes, especially when we know that God told us to do otherwise. 

 We will explore this more when we discuss throwing ourselves into pits. 

Yes, the enemy wants to pull us from Jesus’ love.  He wants us to feel like we are not lovable, and, in fact, we don’t deserve His love.  Lies. Jesus has loved all of us from the beginning of time.  Nothing can, or ever will, separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39).

Let’s end today by taking in what God did after the couple tasted the fruit.

Read Genesis 3:8-10.

God knew that the couple had taken a bite of the fruit.  He knew they listened to the enemy and chose his lies over God’s truths. 

God showed up anyway.  Think about that.  He didn’t abandon them.  He walked where He knew they would walk.  He still wanted to be with them.  He still wants to be with us.  No amount of shame from our pasts (or presents) will cause Him to leave us.  His love is forever.  The pain you suffered when you were thrown into a pit does not mean you are not loved.  You are loved yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

As you go about your day, hold your head up high.  You are marked by His love forever.

💗,Marci

 

 

Jesus' Pursuit of You

Jesus’ pursuit of us never stops.  He chases us all throughout our lives and desires to catch us no matter where He finds us.  Regardless of our pasts, present, and future lives, He wants us to know His undeniable and unmistakable love.  I promise you that nothing is too hard for Jesus.  You have not done or been anywhere that is a shock to Him.  He can do more than you can even imagine (Eph. 3:20) and I guarantee He will.

You may be thinking that this all sounds good for someone else.  You may feel that you have been away from Jesus or messed up so badly that there is no way that He would pursue you, let alone accept and love you.  This is exactly what the enemy wants you to believe.  This way of thinking keeps us separated from God and this is just what the enemy wants for your life.  Allow me to share pieces of my story.  I don’t share to shame those intertwined in my story.  I offer you glimpses into my life and heart so that you will know nothing halts Jesus’ pursuit of us.  He created you so that He could love you.  In fact, prior to creating you, He knew exactly what your choices and directions would be.  He loves you so much and desires for you to know this fully.  You did not repulse Him prior to creating you, and you haven’t repulsed Him now.

My earliest memories begin prior to the age of five.  They are not joyous ones, but rather ones of shame, anxiety, and guilt.  As far back as I can remember, I was my mother’s mother.  I knew exactly how I was to behave and what I needed to say to protect myself from wrath.  I was very aware that it was my responsibility to take care of my mother’s feelings.  I was not to ever say anything that made her feel uncomfortable.  Sharing my hurts, disappointments, and sadness was never to be done.  I was quite the actress.  As early as age five, I knew how to behave in such a way that kept my mother’s hurt feelings at bay.  She was the master of manipulation, and she lived in a highly decorated world of victimhood.  I understood I was considered a pain and a bother.  I was often told that my name was mud spelled backwards.  I heard this phrase often.  I was called a brat most days.  I was a shame filled child.  Every time an adult looked at me or spoke to me, I just knew they were thinking that I was a stupid, annoying child.

My parents divorced when I was two.  My biological father was not involved in my life at all.  He expected me to reach out to him and create a relationship.  I was told that he was an awful person and had tried to drown me because he did not want a girl.  I have no idea if that is true, but it certainly stung every time I heard it.  Prior to his death about twelve years ago, he wrote me a three-page letter on legal sized paper.  He let me know what a disappointment I was.  He quoted Scripture and tried to convince me that God, too, was disappointed in me. 

I also encountered sexual abuse.  As a young child, I would sleep with the lights on and cover my head with the blanket.  I often put something in front of my bedroom door to alert me to anyone trying to enter my room.  Not only was I the victim of physical sexual abuse, but I was also exposed to pornography and sex talk. 

As I grew into a teenager, I thought the only way to be worthy was to have a boy say it was so.  Unfortunately, my world revolved around having a boyfriend.  I did whatever I thought necessary to have and keep a boyfriend.  I’m sure you can surmise the pain this caused me.  My choices harmed me in more ways than I was aware of.  I forwent friendships in pursuit of boys.  I often spent time alone because I did not create or establish healthy relationships with friends or boys.  This would spiral me into believing I needed to do whatever it took to have a boy notice me.  I was the girl no mom wanted her daughter to be friends or son to date.

As a young adult, I began dating my husband.  It is more than fair to say that we were both a mess waiting to explode.  We married a year after college, and within our first few months of marriage we got pregnant and had our first child.  He was a beautiful child who stole my heart instantly.  By the time he was three months old, he was diagnosed with a congenital heart defect.  His first surgery was when he was six months old, and his second surgery occurred when he was four.  By this stage in my life, I was a crumbled mess.  I had major anxiety that I could barely control.  I was critiqued and criticized often for it.  I felt more alone than ever.  I was afraid to take my eyes off my son.  I could barely catch my breath and function.  I felt more alone than ever.  I suffered two miscarriages prior to our son’s second surgery.  The second miscarriage happened when I was four and a half months pregnant.  I cried often and struggled silently as I cared for my young child.  I found it almost impossible to function.  As time went on, I was told by many people who should have been there for me that I needed to get over it.  I was informed that I was weak and being self-centered.

Praise God, we were blessed with two more wonderful children.  There were several times when my children were young that I contemplated suicide.  I truly believed that my husband and children would be better off without me around.  I felt I hindered their lives because of my struggle with anxiety.  I felt that I was a bother and unlovable.  In fact, I can remember writing out my obituary and who my pall bearers would be.  The love I had for my children stopped me every time from going through with it.  When I would think upon my inability to follow through with it, I berated myself for even stinking at being able to successfully kill myself.

Not too long after I received the letter from my father, I completely shut down and lost it.  My oldest son was in junior high, and my daughter and youngest son were in elementary school.  My children were upstairs and I was downstairs cleaning the kitchen.  A feeling of pure disgust for myself completely overtook me and I began throwing dishes.  I was crying and didn’t have to ability to stop myself.  I was in such pain, but yet so numb.  I clearly remember sitting down on the kitchen floor and struggling to breathe.  I cannot explain it, but I felt a presence cover me and hold me.  It felt like a large human had wrapped his arms around me and was soaking in my pain.  When I think upon it, I can still vividly recall the physical sensations it caused.  My crying quieted.  I didn’t hear any spoken words, but I felt that I was being told it was going to be okay and that I was loved.  I remember quietly repeating, “I just want a daddy”.  I believe Jesus was there and comforting me.

Not long after that, I was invited to a Bible study at the church where my youngest son attended Pre-K.  I was so nervous that people would know my past and think I was a fake.  Something inside of me urged me to go anyway.  Upon hearing God’s word, I was hooked.  I couldn’t, and still can’t, get enough of His words and His love.  He has used me to share His love with others, and I still sometimes quietly say to Him, “Really God?  Me?”  I was such a mess and so broken.  I was sure I was beyond repair and not worthy of any kind of love.  Jesus thought differently.  He pursued me until I said yes.  Looking back upon my life, I see glimpses of His presence and protection.  He never gave up on me.  He never thought me too messed up and used up to forget about me.  I can now confidently say, “I am by beloved and He is mine” (Song of Solomon 2:16).

I have prayed that YOU will be convinced you are worth catching.  Jesus sees you, loves you, and wants you to be His.  He longs to feel you take comfort in Him.  He desires to show you how deeply He loves you.  He looks forward to the day that you and He are in deep relationship with one another, and you talk with Him all day long.  I pray that the words you read and study throughout the coming weeks will transform your heart and soul.  May you know you are worth catching and loving.  Be caught, by friend!

With deepest respect and love,

Marci 💗

Mindset Changes Everything

Mindset is defined as "the established set of attitudes held by someone." (Dictionary.com)

Our mindsets are so important to our overall health.  The stress that we allow into our bodies through our mindsets can wreak havoc on our health.  We can eat nothing but whole foods, exercise regularly, but if our mindsets are programmed to think negatively and destructively, we are not contributing to a healthy lifestyle.  Rather, we are harming our bodies.  This harm has immediate and lasting effects on our overall health.

Controlling our mindsets should be one of our top priorities.  We can't just say to our minds, "Alright, already-stop this way of thinking!"  That's impossible.  It is a process that takes time and dedication.  If it were easy and quick, we would all have mindsets that support healthy living.  Unfortunately, many of us have mindsets that are extremely destructive and we are so caught up in it that we don't even realize the negative effects it has on our lives and bodies.

The benefits of a healthy mindset are:

• increased longevity
• reduces depression
• lowers levels of anxiety
• increases immunity
• reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease
• promotes healthy relationships

Thankfully, there are many ways in which we can train our mindsets.  They take practice, but they are so worth it.  In time, you will notice more peace in your life.  You will recognize when a destructive thought enters your brain and be able to push it away quickly.  You will feel freer and happier.

Techniques for growing a healthy mindset:

1.  Guard your minds - be mindful of what and who you are listening to and watching.  Be aware of how these things make you feel and what they cause you to focus on.

2.  Be proactive rather than reactive - be mindful of what and who pushes your buttons.  Establish game plans on how best to deal with these situations BEFORE they happen.

3.  Surround yourself with people and places that honor and promote a healthy mindset -this one needs no explanation! :)

4.  Banish negative self-talk -  we all have times where we allow our minds to go on a negative road trip.  We have gone clear across the country before we even realize it.  This leaves us feeling grumpy and depleted.  Be extremely mindful of EVERYTHING you are thinking upon.  If you notice ugliness, change your talk immediately.  There is no room in the inn for negative self-talk.  Not one good thing comes from it.

5.  Live a balanced life - be sure to practice self-care.  When we give to others and deny ourselves, we become overwhelmed and our mindsets are not supportive.

6.  Help others - it is amazing what happens to our mindsets when we help others!

7.  Be grateful - I often suggest to people that they keep a gratitude journal with them at all times.  Set a goal for how many things you want to record.  It often helps to break it up into times of the day.  When we only do it in the morning or evening, we forget to focus on gratefulness throughout the day.

These techniques really will change your mindset for the better.  With time and practice, you will feel better and happier.  You will notice your stress levels diminishing and your energy levels rising.

You CAN do this!  I believe in you and your health!


Proverbs 23:7...As someone thinks within himself, so he is.

Marci