Not Your Ordinary Forgiveness Post

Ever been wronged?

Treated badly?

Gossiped about by a friend?

Been made to feel like a loser?

Rejected/abandoned?

Manipulated?

Gaslit?

Yep, same.  I raise my hand to all of those instances and more.  In truth, it makes me really angry sometimes to recall these.  In actuality, there are times these treatments occur and/or continue.

I have read countless articles, blog posts, and books about forgiveness.  Some have been super helpful, while some have made ME feel like the problem.  The latter infuriates me.  Nothing like victim blaming and shaming.

I'm just going to be transparent.  There's no use in hiding truths.  No one grows, learns, or can relate when we try and appear perfect, or dang near there.  I'm so over the facade of perfection.  I'm convinced that the people who try and make others think that their lives are perfect and they are perfect are the ones that are hurting the most.  If they can get others to think they are perfect, get some worship going, they may have a moment, or moments, where the pain subsides.

My earliest memories are of feelings of pain.  People talk about great childhood memories.  Not me.  I have some good memories.  Some that I may even be able to consider great.  However, my childhood was wrought with abandonment, rejection, manipulation, and abuse.  I was the caretaker physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I cannot remember a time when I was carefree.  I learned from a very young age that my words mattered.  To speak truth about my feelings was not allowed.  I was to always build the adults around me up.  It was my job and responsibility to take care of emotions.  To do otherwise resulted in the adult in charge becoming a raging victim.

I became a great actress.  I could have won an award type actress!  On occasion, I am still that little actress in a grown woman's body.  More than on occasion if I'm being honest.

As an adult, I continued in what I knew.  I knew how to excuse behaviors, cover up behaviors to protect the culprit, and blame myself.  Real healthy, I tell you!

There are still a few people in my life who are culprits.  Unfortunately, I cannot rid my life of them.  

I have learned how to take up for myself, bite back when needed, and consider the source (as my dad would say).

What used to cut me so low that I would allow myself to feel like the biggest loser and idiot now makes me angry.  It also makes me dislike the perpetrator(s).  

I used to struggle with this, as I am a Jesus loving girl.  I came to the realization that Jesus doesn't instruct us to put up with people's crap and poor treatment.  It's okay to dislike people.  We are called to ask for wisdom and discernment.  To be gifted with these means we are fully aware of behaviors and treatments that don't honor Jesus or look like Jesus.  

Jesus instructs us to love.  When we allow poor treatment, we aren't loving ourselves.  We also aren't truly loving the other person.  Plain and simple.

So forgiveness...

Nothing irks me more than a holier than thou person.  I am not going to feed you any of that.  I would likely throw up on myself while trying to type.

What I am going to tell you is that forgiveness for me and my sanity looks like realizing that no one gets to define me or treat me poorly.  When a person tries, I am going to take up for myself.  I am also going to walk away from a person or situation if possible.  

Biblically, forgiveness is giving it to God and not dwelling on it.  It's not excusing the person or ever allowing it.  

My advice to someone who is walking around feeling miserable because of someone's past or present treatment is to take up for yourself.  Sometimes this looks like not answering the person, not engaging in dialogue.  At times, it's walking away in the moment or for good.

I also have embraced boundaries.  I created specific boundaries for those in my life who harm me.  I stick to them too.  I refuse to share anything personal with those that I know will use the information against me at a later time.  I am not going to spend time with those who get their kicks off of kicking me to make themselves feel more important.  And a big one - I am not going to take care of other's emotions.  Ever.  

My definition of forgiveness goes something like this...

Forgiveness - the act of never allowing others to define you, rule you, or treat you poorly.  When someone behaves or speaks in an unkind or manipulative way, walk away and dust off the hurt.  Do not allow the pain to take up residence in your heart.  Consider the source!

I'm not going to lie, I have been known to say ugly things in my head as an ugly (on the inside!) person is trying to cut me down or treat me poorly.  It helps, just sayin'....

I hope this gives you hope, help, and a way out of the pain.

With great love,

Marci

The Purity of Jesus' Love

Jesus led me to the book of Song of Solomon recently and I am head over heels in love with it and it's writer.  To be honest, I never really dove into this book because I didn't see Jesus in it.  I wrongly believed it was a book about the love of a husband and wife.  Yes, it definitely is but it is so much more.

Song of Solomon encompasses many truths and themes.  All of them are deep and lavished with God's crazy, unfailing love for us.  In this post, we will focus on the theme of purity.  Before you rush to close this site, allow me the chance to show you that our past has nothing to do with our purity.  Jesus is not about guilt and shame nor am I.  We will cover guilt and shame in this post and I will hopefully prove to you that you need not feel either.

I am so grateful for the love and mercy Jesus has shown me in spite of, and in the midst of, my awful messes.  He took this girl full of shame and sin and gently wiped me clean and put a crown of beauty on my head. 

If you think your past defines you, I can 100% guarantee it doesn't.  If you are knee deep in sexual sin at this very moment, I promise you Jesus is waiting with an open heart to wash you clean.  He sees a beauty when He looks at you.  Don't let the lies in your head convince you any differently.

Now let's dive in and learn about the purity of Jesus' love.  May you be blessed and find freedom.

The beauty of Song of Solomon is that it frees our hearts and allows us to be shameless and wildly passionate in our pursuit of the love Jesus has for us.  Too many people believe that being a Christian means that life will be a bore.  Sadly, they subscribe to the notion that Jesus girls are prim, proper, lacking laughter, and in bed by 8pm!  Thankfully, that is just not true.  Women on fire for Jesus laugh often, love big, feel passion, wear bright colors, and stay up late.

Having a relationship with Jesus leads to untamed love.  Untamed love leads to the abundant life Jesus promises in John 10:10.  Girlfriend, get ready to fall crazy in love as you learn that Jesus is beyond crazy in love with you.  He is ravished by you!

The word purity is synonymous with freedom and freedom in synonymous with joy.

Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines the word pure as unmoved with any other matter...free from dust, dirt, or taint...free from harshness...free from what vitiates, weakens, or pollutes.

1 John 1:7,9 reads...
But if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from ALL sin.  If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  

In order to be cleansed from sin, we must confess our sins to Jesus.

Confession is more than saying the sin we committed.  It involves being sorrowful for it.  Sorrowful is not the same as shamed.  Hear me when I say that please.  To be sorrowful is to be sorry and desiring to turn away from the sin. 

Shame is from the devil.  Sorrowful confession is a gift from Jesus.  They are complete opposites.  If you feel ugly, broken, and condemned, I can assure you that is not from sweet Jesus.  Tattle to Jesus about what the devil is telling you and then watch Him take action for His baby girl!

As we confess our sins, we must trust that we are being cleansed and purified.  Look back at the definition for pure.  It states that to be pure is to be free from what weakens and pollutes us.  Sin does both, but Jesus takes His love rag and shines us back to a beautiful woman of purity.  He does this because he adores us.  He knows what sin causes and He doesn't want us to suffer.  He already did that for us.  There is no need to repeat the torture.

Read Isaiah 1:18.  Jesus is speaking this to you and over you.
Though your sins are like scarlet, they will be white as snow; though they are as red as crimson, they will be like wool.  If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land.

JUST LIKE THAT - JESUS PURIFIES US AND WE ARE AS WHITE AS SNOW.

Now let's talk about the guilt and shame the word purity can conjure up in many of us.  I have no doubt that many women reading this do not feel pure.  You may feel trapped by past or present sexual sin.  You may have suffered sexual abuse and have never felt pure. 

Sexual sins and abuse can leave us feeling tainted and used.  Our eyes may flow with tears at the desperate desire to feel purity, but as much as we try we just feel dirty, shamed and rotten.  I write this with an understanding and loving heart.  You see, I have been in the pit of sexual sin.  I know what shame wears like.  It is a heavy burden that leaves us feeling weak and torn down.  I never thought I would feel pure.

But God...

God rescued me from my sins and shame.  If He can cleanse me and create life in me, I have no doubt He will do it for you too.  In fact, I am beyond convinced He will.  He wants nothing more than for you to feel and know His love and redemption.  He longs to make you as white as snow.

Let's look at Matthew 26:26-28...
As they were eating, Jesus took bread. blessed and broke it, gave it to the disciples, and said, "Take and eat it; this is My body."  Then He took  a cup, and after giving thanks, He gave it to them and said, "Drink from it, all of you.  For this is My blood that establishes a new covenant; it is shed for many for the forgiveness of sins."

This Scripture passage is the Last Supper.  The beautiful first communion is with Jesus, by Jesus, for Jesus, and for all of us.

Jesus knew he would soon be the sacrificial lamb.  He lovingly and willingly went to the cross for each one of us.  He was aware of the suffering and pain He would endure.  Yet, He did it anyway.  That, my friend, is what pure love looks like.

I write this with the deepest love and compassion for all of you.  He did not go to the cross so we could wallow in our guilt and shame.  He did it out of pure love.  His pure love leads to our purity.  Period.

Notice that in verse 28 Jesus clearly stated that He was pouring out His blood for the forgiveness of sins.  Let that sink into your sweet heart.  Jesus knows and loves you with a deep and passionate heart.  Won't you allow Him to cleanse and purify you?  He's waiting with open arms.

Psalm 43:4
Then I will come to the alter of God, to God, my greatest joy.  I will praise you with the lyre, God is my God.

As I write this, the song "How Can it Be" by Lauren Daigle sings to me.  Oh pure one, go listen to it and let the words invade your heart.  Raise your hands in the air and ignore the cleansing tears that roll down your beautiful face.  You, sweet child of God, are forgiven and pure.

Before we conclude, allow me to show you the biblical definition of purity.

In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for purity is 'niqqayon'.  It is an emptying out or being clean.  Biblestudytools.com states the following and it is profound.

"Purity is opposed to being guilty."  Let that penetrate your brain and find its way to your heart.  God purifies you when you confess.  Once you are washed clean, there is NO guilt.  God does not call you guilty.  He calls you pure.  The two cannot exist together. 

If you struggle with guilt, take it to God.  confess your heart and trust Him to remove the guilt. 

Rest in His purification.

I pray that your heart is full with the knowledge of your purity.  No matter what you have done or gone through, you are clean and pure.  The love and promises from Song of Solomon were penned with you in mind.  Remember, Jesus is ravished by your purity and beauty.  You, dear one, are passionately loved by your King.

Loving you with a full heart-
Marci

5 Ways to Avoid the Trap of Comparison

Comparison is an ugly game.  It creates feelings of superiority or failure.  Either are detrimental to our spiritual and mental health.  Comparison is the devil's game and his intention is to pull our focus off of God and onto ourselves. 

God created us in His image and with a purpose in mind.  He did not mess up on the day He created us. He knew perfectly well who we were to be.  And I can promise you this - we weren't meant to be like anyone else.   His ways are vast and way beyond our human thinking.  We are wonderfully made and He desires for us to know this well (Psalm 139:14).  

So with that in mind {and hopefully our hearts}, let's learn some sure fire ways to avoid falling for the enemy's ridiculous game.  He will rue the day he tried to tempt us to compare ourselves rather than celebrate who we are in Christ!

1.  Begin each morning with Jesus.

Each morning provides us a day to do wonderful things for the Kingdom of God.  We may never know how we are impacting others, but God surely does!  In order to be the good and faithful servant we desire to be, we must set our hearts and minds on Jesus.  When we do, we will be less likely to compare ourselves to others because we are filled with His love and mindset.  Beginning our days with Jesus not only prepares our mind and heart to combat comparison, but it shows the devil that you are not going to play is idiotic game.

Mark 1:35

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark out, He got up, went out, and made His way to a deserted place.  And He was praying there.

Jesus knew the importance of beginning His day with prayer.  Talking to His Father prepared Him for the day ahead.  If Jesus did it, then we surely should too!

2.  Keep a small spiral notebook with Scriptures that speak to your heart about God's love, your worth, and your purpose.

Hebrews 4:12 tells us that God's word is alive and active, sharper than any double edge sword.  Have you ever pictured that image in your sweet head?  A double edged sword is pretty powerful!  No matter what direction an enemy came at you, you would have protection and fight.  That is what God's word is.  It is powerful at fighting off the enemy and protecting us from his nasty schemes.  When we pack God's word into our hearts, we have power.  We are called to use His word to fight.  Fighting is not a passive event.  It requires strength, determination, and power.  When the enemy tries to defeat us with comparison, we can fight back with God's alive and active word.  He calls us to use His word against that nasty little tyrant!  Read from your tiny little notebook throughout the day.  When you feel compelled to enter the comparison arena, you can call to mind God's words and fight off the nasty thoughts.  Rise above them and be a mighty princess warrior shielded and protected with the beautiful double edged sword given to you by your loving Father.

Hebrews 4:12

For the word of God is alive and effective and sharper than any double-edged sword, penetrating as far as the separation of soul and spirit, joints and marrow.  It is able to judge the ideas and thoughts of the heart.

3.  When you feel comparison creep up on you, take it to God immediately.

2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to take every thought captive to obey Christ.  This means we are to make sure our thoughts and mindsets line up with the word of God.  Comparing ourselves to others does not line up with God's word or plan for our lives.  We are created in a unique way; each possessing gifts and talents that promote God's Kingdom.  We must ask the Holy Spirit to alert our hearts when we are falling victim to comparison so that we can turn our eyes back to Jesus and remember who we are in Him.  Jesus is ready and waiting to help us when we call on Him.  Ask Him to help you see your worth, talents, and gifts.  Ask Him to allow you to see yourself as He does - cherished, loved, and amazing.

Isaiah 65:24

Even before they call, I will answer; while they are still speaking, I will hear.

4.  Recognize your gifts and talents and embrace them.

As stated above, each of us has a specific talent that God has given us to serve His Kingdom.  YOU were created to make a difference for God.  We each have been entrusted and gifted.  Unfortunately, our gifts go unused when we look to others' gifts and wish we had theirs.  That, my friend, is just what the enemy is banking on.  When our talents go unused, we are not serving God and His Kingdom.  The devil thinks he is pretty snazzy when he sees us doing this.  Let's show him that we are daughters of the One and Only King and embrace our talents.  The devil can't have our gifts!  Let's be proud of our gifts and talents and use them to bear so much fruit that the enemy is disgusted and walks away with his head hanging down!

James 1:16-17

Don't be deceived, my dearly loved brothers (and sisters).  Every generous act and every perfect gift is from above.

5.  Limit your time scrolling through social media.

We all do it.  We aimlessly scroll through social media.  We may do it because we are bored or because we are curious.  Either way, it can lead to a big nasty case of comparison.  Let's be honest, people are posting their best selves.  Everyone's families are perfect, so screams social media.  We aren't privy to authenticity when we are peeking into others lives through social media.  This is a sure fire way to fall into the comparison pit.  We must limit our time viewing other's lives.  We must keep in check that we aren't seeing reality and be aware when our hearts are being pulled in an ugly direction.  Too often, social media takes the place of God.  Just because someone is posting Scripture alongside their perfect life, doesn't mean reading their posts is worshipping the Lord.  True worship comes from heart to heart time with God.  

2 Corinthians 10:12

For we don't dare classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves.  But in measuring themselves by themselves and comparing themselves to themselves, they lack understanding.

Comparison is an ugly thing.  It pull our focus from Jesus onto ourselves every stinking time.  I can guarantee that!  We must always be aware because our enemy lurks around like a lion waiting to devour God's children.  He knows if he can make us feel badly about ourselves, we will not work for the beautiful Kingdom of God.  We must keep our hearts and minds on the One who gifted us.  

You've got this!  Each and every time you feel the pull, use this list to get your heart back on the One who loves you like crazy.  You are a beautiful creation with so much to offer.  YOU were created to impact the Kingdom and make a difference.  Let that sink into your  precious heart.  

Romans 12:2

Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

I love you all with the most tender heart-

Marci

Learning to Take Care of You

Mark 6:31

He said to them, "Come away by yourselves to a remote place and rest for a while."
For many people were coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.

When my oldest was a baby, we lived in New York.  My husband and I are both from Texas and our little one was the first grandchild on both sides.  Needless to say, we flew home a LOT!!

Every time we flew, the flight attendants made sure I knew that if there was an emergency I needed to put my oxygen mask on before putting a mask on my little one.  Thankfully, I never had to experience this for real!

Because of all the flying we did, I adopted the phrase, "Put your oxygen mask on first".  When I am speaking to new mamas, worn out friends, or even myself I use this phrase.

We cannot be at our best if we feel depleted and lack the fuel we need to operate.  On a plane, lack of oxygen will cause us to pass out and eventually die.  In life, lack of care for ourselves will cause  burnout, depression, anxiety, and lots and lots of stress.

Often times, we feel guilty and/or selfish if we take time for ourselves.  We carry around the mentality that we have to be super people who give, give, give and never relax.  In our world if someone is not a super achiever, they are labeled a slacker.  Thankfully, that is not God's label.  He created rest and desires for us to use it.  He knows that without some rest and rejuvenation, we will not be on our game.

God did not create us to save the world.  He did not create us to fix everything, solve everything, and be everything to people.  We will never be difference makers if we fail to take care of the person God created us to be.

Putting on your oxygen mask will ensure that your heart and head are well rested.  You will feel revived and refreshed.  There is no shame in needing your oxygen mask!

Individual oxygen masks look different for each person. 

For me, I like to wake before my family and have quiet time with Jesus.  Also, it helps me to read at least one chapter in a book each day.  This reading can occur anytime throughout the day.  It is soothing for my soul to steal away and get lost in a book.

My husband's oxygen mask consist of quiet time alone doing yard work.  It is so soothing to him and allows his mind to be refreshed.

What does your oxygen mask look like? 

What causes you to feel refueled and refreshed? 

What is holding you back?  Keeping you from getting your God prescribed rest?

No matter what your oxygen mask looks like, don't be ashamed to admit you need it.  Failing to consistently put it on will cause you to feel overwhelmed and lack the essential body and mind energy to successfully conquer each day.

Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is energy for your soul.

If you find it difficult at first, try scheduling it out.  Make yourself a priority, sweet friend.  There is joy in rest and rejuvenation.

And when you find it difficult to settle down and rest because of guilt, a mile long to do list, etc., remember the words of your Savior - the one who calls you to rest.

Mark 6:31

He said to them, "Come away by yourselves to a remote place and rest for a while."

For many people were coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.

Loving you all,
Marci