Steadfast Wins the Race

Let’s be honest, we live in a world where we are told that we should look out for number one. To be truly happy, we should be our top priority. We have been conditioned to believe that the purpose of living is to be happy, no matter the cost. 

Life is all about us, right? Wrong! In fact, if you take an inventory of your life, I bet you’ll discover that your happiest moments, most joyous times, are when you are not focused on yourself at all. A bit of upside down thinking in our world.

Jesus has called us to love others and to look at them as more important than ourselves. Our work on this earth is to glorify Him by loving Him best and pouring His love into others. This isn’t always easy. In fact, it sometimes feels downright impossible to love others. Let’s be clear, Jesus never calls us to be a doormat. We are never to condone abuse or bullying of ourselves. That is not love for ourselves or the other person. 

So how can we be steadfast and firm in doing the work of the Lord? We can hold our tongues rather than lashing out. We can be charitable with our time and talents. We can help a neighbor in need. We can put down our phones and have real conversations. We can forgive.

What is something you can do today for the Lord? Whatever it is, be steadfast and firm. Your heart will be glad.

1 Corinthians 15:58 - Be firm, steadfast, always fully devoted to the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

Go deeper with these corresponding verses:

Galatians 6:9 and Colossians 3:23-24

Not Your Ordinary Forgiveness Post

Ever been wronged?

Treated badly?

Gossiped about by a friend?

Been made to feel like a loser?

Rejected/abandoned?

Manipulated?

Gaslit?

Yep, same.  I raise my hand to all of those instances and more.  In truth, it makes me really angry sometimes to recall these.  In actuality, there are times these treatments occur and/or continue.

I have read countless articles, blog posts, and books about forgiveness.  Some have been super helpful, while some have made ME feel like the problem.  The latter infuriates me.  Nothing like victim blaming and shaming.

I'm just going to be transparent.  There's no use in hiding truths.  No one grows, learns, or can relate when we try and appear perfect, or dang near there.  I'm so over the facade of perfection.  I'm convinced that the people who try and make others think that their lives are perfect and they are perfect are the ones that are hurting the most.  If they can get others to think they are perfect, get some worship going, they may have a moment, or moments, where the pain subsides.

My earliest memories are of feelings of pain.  People talk about great childhood memories.  Not me.  I have some good memories.  Some that I may even be able to consider great.  However, my childhood was wrought with abandonment, rejection, manipulation, and abuse.  I was the caretaker physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I cannot remember a time when I was carefree.  I learned from a very young age that my words mattered.  To speak truth about my feelings was not allowed.  I was to always build the adults around me up.  It was my job and responsibility to take care of emotions.  To do otherwise resulted in the adult in charge becoming a raging victim.

I became a great actress.  I could have won an award type actress!  On occasion, I am still that little actress in a grown woman's body.  More than on occasion if I'm being honest.

As an adult, I continued in what I knew.  I knew how to excuse behaviors, cover up behaviors to protect the culprit, and blame myself.  Real healthy, I tell you!

There are still a few people in my life who are culprits.  Unfortunately, I cannot rid my life of them.  

I have learned how to take up for myself, bite back when needed, and consider the source (as my dad would say).

What used to cut me so low that I would allow myself to feel like the biggest loser and idiot now makes me angry.  It also makes me dislike the perpetrator(s).  

I used to struggle with this, as I am a Jesus loving girl.  I came to the realization that Jesus doesn't instruct us to put up with people's crap and poor treatment.  It's okay to dislike people.  We are called to ask for wisdom and discernment.  To be gifted with these means we are fully aware of behaviors and treatments that don't honor Jesus or look like Jesus.  

Jesus instructs us to love.  When we allow poor treatment, we aren't loving ourselves.  We also aren't truly loving the other person.  Plain and simple.

So forgiveness...

Nothing irks me more than a holier than thou person.  I am not going to feed you any of that.  I would likely throw up on myself while trying to type.

What I am going to tell you is that forgiveness for me and my sanity looks like realizing that no one gets to define me or treat me poorly.  When a person tries, I am going to take up for myself.  I am also going to walk away from a person or situation if possible.  

Biblically, forgiveness is giving it to God and not dwelling on it.  It's not excusing the person or ever allowing it.  

My advice to someone who is walking around feeling miserable because of someone's past or present treatment is to take up for yourself.  Sometimes this looks like not answering the person, not engaging in dialogue.  At times, it's walking away in the moment or for good.

I also have embraced boundaries.  I created specific boundaries for those in my life who harm me.  I stick to them too.  I refuse to share anything personal with those that I know will use the information against me at a later time.  I am not going to spend time with those who get their kicks off of kicking me to make themselves feel more important.  And a big one - I am not going to take care of other's emotions.  Ever.  

My definition of forgiveness goes something like this...

Forgiveness - the act of never allowing others to define you, rule you, or treat you poorly.  When someone behaves or speaks in an unkind or manipulative way, walk away and dust off the hurt.  Do not allow the pain to take up residence in your heart.  Consider the source!

I'm not going to lie, I have been known to say ugly things in my head as an ugly (on the inside!) person is trying to cut me down or treat me poorly.  It helps, just sayin'....

I hope this gives you hope, help, and a way out of the pain.

With great love,

Marci

Panic

Panic.  Ugh, the word alone can create physical discomfort within us.  It can cause us to think upon the one thing, or things, that are causing us to worry and have fear.

I've been there and done that so much in my life.  My oldest child was discovered to have a heart defect at his 3 month check-up.  Panic.  I instantly knew it was more than a benign heart murmur.  Something in my mama gut told me this was not good.  I immediately felt fear consume me and envisioned digging a hole, climbing in with him in my arms, and hiding from reality.

We moved to New York a month after the heart murmur diagnoses.  My husband was starting Physician Assistant school there.  The cardiologist found a pediatrician in NY for us and informed us that 90% of those with our son's condition do not require surgery.  He told us that the body is amazing and often corrects the defect by the time a child is one.  

We packed our things and headed to NY.  Once there, I purchased plane tickets to return to Houston for our son's cardiology check-up, which was to be when he was 6 months old.  We settled into our new home as best we could.  

As scheduled, my son and I flew to Houston for the cardiology appointment.  I was extremely apprehensive, but excited to visit family.  My husband had to stay in NY for school.  At the cardiology check-up, I was informed our son had to have emergency heart surgery, as his heart was so enlarged it was the size of his chest.  Panic.  I immediately called my husband and left a message on our home phone to call me ASAP.  We didn't have cell phones back then and I had to wait for him to receive my message.  I felt so alone.  I felt so discombobulated. Within the time it took for the words "immediate surgery" to be breathed, my world stopped. 

My father-in-law purchased a plane ticket for my husband and by that night, he was with us in Houston.  I can remember holding my son and rocking him.  I begged God to heal him.  I made deals with God that if He healed him, I would do whatever He told me to do.  I told God to take me if He was planning on taking our son.  Panic.

As insurance would have it, we had to wait almost a week for the surgery to occur.  I'm not sure I really slept that week.  I could not take my eyes off of my sick child.  I needed to watch him and make certain he was still breathing. I could barely eat.  I recall being in a room with people, but feeling like I was out of my body. Panic.

Due to the severity of our son's condition, the cardiologist had us stay in the hospital prior to the surgery.  I recall looking out the hospital room window and watching people walking to and fro.  How on earth were these people functioning?  Didn't they know my world was being turned upside down? My heart and brain were in such a fog.  All I ever wanted to be was a wife and mama.  How was this happening?  So many things rolled through my thoughts.  I could barely function.

The morning of the surgery was so difficult.  The moment the nurses came and took him from us was torturous.  I wasn't sure if that would be the last time I held my beautiful boy in my arms.  I fell to my knees and sobbed.  I felt I couldn't breathe.  What was life without him? I don't remember how we got to the family waiting area after he was taken from us.  When I think back on that, all I can recall is how I felt. Panic.

We were told the surgery would be about an hour and a half.  I paced and I watched the clock.  I heard people talking, but I certainly couldn't make out words.  At the 45 minute mark, the surgeon entered the room we were waiting in.  No.  It wasn't time yet.  I recall feeling like I had been punched in the stomach and I'm certain I held my breath.  He walked up to me with the calmest demeanor and informed us that the surgery was over and had gone so well that he was amazed.  I immediately threw my arms around him, thanked him, and cried my eyes out.

Later that week, the cardiologist's nurse came and talked with me.  She had been in the OR with our son during the surgery.  She said it was amazing.  My tiny little 6 month old, 12 pound baby had done remarkable.  She stated that his blood pressure and vitals were perfect during the surgery.  She voiced her amazement, as well as the other's in the room.  No one could believe it.  She stated that she felt the greatest peace and calm in the operating room.

My panic turned to praise.  My beautiful child had been left on this earth.  I knew that wasn't something to be taken lightly.  I knew I owed all my praise to God.  I did not, and do not, take this gift in vain.  I raised up our son to know his story and to know the Lord.  I talked to him often about the wonders of Jesus.  I informed him that he was greatly loved and left on earth for a purpose.  To this day, I talk to him about honoring Jesus in all he does. .

My heart still aches when I recall the memories of that time. I am transported back in time and feel all the emotions - the pain, the panic, the utter relief, the love.  I will never stop thanking God for our son's healing.  I will always know that it was Jesus who held him during the surgery.

In Exodus 3, God gives Moses a mission - go save My people from the Egyptians.  Moses panics.  He asks God "who am I that I shall go"?  God's response - "I will be with you".

Moses panicked.

God reassured.

God will never lead us to something to walk alone. Does it always turn out the way we beg?  Not at all.  God's ways aren't our ways.  There is great pain in life.  There is also great joy.  Regardless of where we are being led-pain or joy-God is with us and knows.  

Since our son's surgery, I have had many more panic moments.  He needed one more surgery when he was 4.  Our family has moved homes, moved jobs, been without jobs, made friends, lost friends, my dad has died, I've had to put my mom in assisted living, and many more.  

One thing has remained constant during life.  When I panic, God reassures.  He doesn't always do it the way I would want, but He always, without fail, does it the way I need.