Wednesday, February 20, 2013

My birthday present from Jesus

Yesterday was my 41st birthday.  Honestly, in the past few years, I do not like my birthday.  It has nothing to do with my age.  I LOVE being in my 40's.  I feel accomplished and love the place I am with my children and husband.

The thing that has thrown me the last couple of years has to do with my parents.  For some reason, when my birthday rolls around I become very sad and wonder why I am not worth any effort on their part.  My father doesn't even acknowledge my birthday and my  mother will send a gift and an email.  However, words without actions are meaningless.  There is no desire on her part to have a real relationship.  Any type of effort  is nonexistent.

I woke on Monday morning with a terribly sad feeling.  Honestly, I get frustrated at myself because God has blessed me with such a loving family.  However, I have become quite aware that children, whatever their age, need their parents to love them.  Children need to know that they are worth it.  When they are not shown this, feelings of worthlessness creep in.  

I cried many tears on Monday and I carried around a heavy heart.  Crazy thoughts raced through my head...
Am I even a good mother??
What on earth have I done to make myself unworthy to my parents??
Am I a burden to my husband because I go through this deep sadness??
I wonder what my family's life would be like without me??  Would it be better??
Am I even a disappointment to Jesus??

Jesus led me to read something on Monday evening that turned my crazy thinking and pity party around.  Here is what I read.  It comes from a devotional I have.

"Nothing but God can satisfy this loneliness of humanity."

Jesus reminded me that actions and behaviors by humans do not always come from Him.  My parents have chosen to live this way.  It is a reflection of them and not of me at all.  My sweet husband always tells me that it is their loss.  He says that if they can't see past their own selfishness and see me, then they are surely suffering more than I am.  

God has blessed me with so  many things.  For starters, He affords me every breath I take.  He trusts me enough to raise my three precious children to honor Him and love Him.  He has restored relationships that are so dear to me.  He has surrounded me with loving people who desire to love me by loving Him first. 

I ended up having a beautiful day yesterday.  I praised God for who He is.  I spent the morning with sweet friends.  We ended up going to lunch and having a great time.  As I drove away from the place we had lunch, I smiled and thanked God for His grace, mercy, and love.  Not 24 hours before I questioned me, now I was basking in His love.  

My husband brought home one of my favorite dinners and my kiddos loved all over me.  My husband took our daughter to volleyball practice so I could hang out at home and relax.

Precious moments and good times for sure.  We serve a loving, gracious God.  Regardless of what humans choose, He loves us always.  We are His dear children and He desperately wants us to know we are loved like crazy.  

If you are suffering because of the actions and behaviors of another person, know that your Father is there for you.  His opinions matter more than anything else.  We are His princesses and He is our King.  




10 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday!!

    I love to hear about how God speaks to you!!

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  2. A Belated Happy Birthday to you! I am so glad to hear that God loved you through that hurtful time. His love is always enough, Lisa :O)

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  3. Happy Birthday, Marci! I wish that the actions of other people didn't impact us so much. If only we could remember every day what you have said here...it is only God's opinions that really counts! XO

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  4. Happy belated birthday sweet lady!

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  5. Girl, you are so worth it all! I truly appreciate getting to read your beautiful words and getting to know you better through this blog. You are such an inspiration to me. I hope you had a wonderful birthday as you truly deserve it. I can completely understand the feelings of loneliness that you feel from having parents who don't make time for you. I have the same issues with my parents who rarely call me on my birthday or any other days unless they just want to complain about their own problems. My husband and your husband agree...it is their loss as they miss out on spending time with you and your children! I am glad you have family and friends to help show you how loved and special you are, and I am glad you know that your worth is measured by God and not humans. That last picture is so fitting as you truly look like a princess, and I know your husband treats you like one! :-)

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  6. Such a beautiful post, Marci. I'm so sorry I missed your birthday, butI am so happy that you were blessed and God came through to show you how very special you are and that you are indeed, LOVED. Even though we accept things as they are, knowing that they may never change, the lack of affection or feelings of love from a parent--no matter our age--will linger deep inside of us, continually bringing us back to questions about our own value and worth. Just remember that your Father in Heaven, who created you, is the most perfect Father...and He thinks you are perfect and worthy, and beautiful. He is always your ever present help in trouble. So when those doubts begin to plague you, just praise Him for bringing you out of it and for surrounding you with people who give you the love and affection that you crave and that through Him--you are whole. The picture of you in the tiara was perfect....you are God's princess! When you ask God to help you see your parents through HIS eyes, rather than your own, He will reveal those deep places and experiences within each of them that have caused them to hurt you and others...much love to you!

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  7. Do you know the Jason Gray song "Remind Me Who I Am?" It always makes me feel teary eyed when I hear it because even the best relationships on the human end of the spectrum can't provide truly unconditional love and when we are craving that nothing else will do. It takes true wisdom to know to turn to God, something I'm still learning, but I thought I'd link to my blog post about this song because it always comforts me if I forget about the only One who can truly provide unconditional love. http://www.typativemamacat.com/2013/01/who-i-am-to-you.html

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  8. I just recently found your blog, but oh how these words spoke to my heart. I struggle with things like this in some ways (not quite as extreme). Thank you for reminding me of how I am loved by Christ no matter what!

    www.heyjudedylan.blogspot.com

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  9. A beautiful post, Marci! Your words went straight to my heart.
    I know it's late, but Happy Birthday to you! And might I just say, you look like you're 22 years old! :)

    Love and hugs,
    Stephanie

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I love connecting with you all through comments. Your words bring my heart joy.