I struggle with fear. It frustrates me and makes me feel like a phony Jesus girl. It makes me mad at myself. However, the struggle is real...
It's not just any fear. It's a fear of medical issues. When I worry about medical issues, I get nauseous and can't see straight. It's not everyday like it used to be - so I suppose that's progress.
I used to worry nonstop about my little ones. My oldest was born with some congenital heart issues that had to be corrected surgically. Could that have caused my issue? Maybe...
But for whatever reason, it seems to get me every time. I get so frustrated.
When I am experiencing this, I feel so angry with myself. I really do love Jesus and trust Him. Then I question myself...if I trust Him, why am I so fearful?? And then I feel like I have completely disappointed Him...again.
I have been thinking about this recently and have been praying for clarity. Is this the thorn in my side?? As I was praying, I remembered a sermon I once heard about being discouraged. Numerous times in the Bible, God tells us not to be discouraged. He reminds us that He is with us and will fight for us.
I started thinking about this and realized that I must not be alone. God knows that we crazy humans will be discouraged and fearful. He knows that we need reminding again and again and again that He really is with us and is fighting for us.
Jesus knows my heart and He knows yours. He knows that we love Him and He knows that we struggle. Your struggle may not be my struggle, but we all struggle with something...pride, anxiety, perfectionism, fear of fitting in, etc.
I think it's important not to beat ourselves up over it. I think we have to try hard not to give in to it. However, when we do give in to it we have to remember to cry out to Him for help. He knows us better than we know ourselves.
We must to remember that Jesus has not called us to be perfect. He has called us to love Him and to rely upon Him.
Our struggles are real and He knows it. I have to trust and believe that He loves me despite me.