Thursday, January 31, 2013

Our parenting style

My family is extremely important to me.  As a matter of fact, my children will laugh if they see anything with the word "Family" on it because they know I am contemplating buying it.  I feel extremely blessed to be my children's mama and my husband's wife.  I seriously sometimes think about my life and feel like I should pinch myself.

Does that mean everything is always perfect?  That would be a big NO!  Do we get on each other's nerves from time to time? Yes, yes, and yes!  

From the time my children were little, people would comment on how lucky my husband and I were because our children behaved and were polite.  While they meant it as a compliment, it always made my skin crawl.  My husband and I weren't "lucky", we just invested a great deal of time into our family.  This comment always made me sad for the person's child who was standing there listening.  I believe there are no "bad" children, just uninformed parents.

As my children have grown, people will ask us questions regarding parenting.  Comments are made about the behaviors of our children and our relationships with each child.  Listed are the things my husband and I have done, and continue to do, in our family.

  1. We use if/then statements.  Our children know they will receive a consequence for wrong and inappropriate behaviors.  For example, we may say, "If you don't stop_________, then you may not use the iPad for a week."  Our children know we will follow through with the consequence.  
  2. We respect their feelings and we never make something about us.  For example, my nine year old son didn't want me to attend his class Christmas party.  He is my third child and wants to feel grown up.  He wanted to hang out with his friends only.  I completely respected his decision and request.  Rather than getting my feelings hurt, I told him I understood and respected his choice.  He gave me a big hug and said thank you.  He didn't have to feel guilty.  The party was about my child, not my appearance.  When he got home that afternoon, he once again told me thank you for letting him be grown up and proceeded to tell me EVERYTHING about the party.
  3. We NEVER use sarcastic put down humor.  I despise this type of interaction.  There is nothing good that will ever come out of it. 
  4. We spend a lot of time together.  We enjoy playing family games, playing outside, etc.  We let them know how important they are by the time we invest in building relationships and memories.
  5. We sit down at the same time each night and enjoy dinner together.  We don't have the TV on.  Some of our best conversations, confessions, and laughter comes from the dinner table.
  6. We have always had a schedule.  I truly believe it makes children, and adults too, calmer.  People know what to expect and when.  
  7. We speak to them as we would want to be spoken to.  Just because they are children, doesn't mean they should be talked down to or talked to rudely.
  8. We say we are sorry and ask for forgiveness when we are wrong....even though we are the parents.  We listen when our children feel wronged and try and understand where they are coming from.  
  9. We hug....a lot!!!!  
  10. Most importantly, we put God first.  Our children know that if it's not acceptable to God, it's not acceptable to us.  
Here are some pictures of my sweet family.  They melt my heart!
When Emmy was little we called her Boo.  She reminded us of Boo from Monsters, Inc.  
 Barry always helps with math homework.  Math is not my strong point!!
 Luke can be so silly.  He was cracking up about brushing his teeth the other night. :)


 Barry really enjoys playing basketball with the boys.
Barry and Luke decided to jump into the hot tub last night.  This picture melts my heart.

One of the best books I have read regarding parenting is "Parenting by The Book" by John Rosemond.  He offers great biblical wisdom and truths.  

Enjoy your families and remember to find something to laugh at each day.

13 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing this wisdom! I think you should write a book on parenting.

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  2. What wonderful truths about Godly parenting! Thanks so much for sharing.

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  3. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!!!! I would so read that book If you wrote it ;)

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  4. I'm so happy you have found a parenting style that fits you and your family with a foundation in His word. Thank you for sharing :) I am reading Grace Based Parenting and doing the Raising Responsive Children bible study, and love both of these books. It can be a struggle for us to figure out the best way to parent our kids when military life is so hectic.

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  5. I am sure that your words will be a big help to some struggling parents! I have a friend who swears by John Rosamund. Of course, we didn't discover him until our kids were already grown!

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  6. You have such a sweet family...at least that is the impression I get looking at them through the loving eyes of their mother (but I know they really are because you are raising them to be caring, God-fearing young people). I always appreciate your more experienced insight into parenting...you're becoming like a mentor to me! :-) Tell Emily I really do see the resemblance between her and Boo. Haha!

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  7. I really like this post. I totally agree with your parenting style, althought i don't have kids yet, i do think so parents are just misinformed. kids will be kids but you have to treat them with love and respect i love this!

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  8. Sounds like your family is wonderful! Definitely takes intentional time and effort to become close like that. I really like your point #10. How wonderful for your kids to know that!
    Btw, loved that picture of your son laughing. Reminded me of my youngest brother. ;)

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  9. :) I agree! I think some of what we get is determined by genetics (certain types of personalities) but what we do with them is what gives us the results! We just found out my 9 year old has ADHD and the doctor stated that he doesn't need medication because of how successfully we use behavior modification and cognitive therapy. I have to smile because we haven't changed anything we do... just paid a little more attention to where he was struggling... but the schedule, the consistency, the quiet times... it's been a part of our days our whole life. Great post. {We do speak sarcasm in our house... I grew up with it and it's hard to lose that particular type of humor}

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  10. What an incredibly beautiful family! I so admire the way you and your husband are raising your children, and appreciate you sharing some of your secrets (to success) with us.

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  11. I love this, great post.

    I have nominated you for a liebster award!
    http://www.myuniquegirlz.blogspot.com/2013/02/my-first-liebster-award.html

    ~Shanay~
    www.myuniquegirlz.blogspot.com

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  12. These are all beautiful styles of parenting Marci! I love the fact that God is in charge at your house too!
    I have followed your blog for a while now and have been inspired by it. I nominated your blog for the Blog Of The Year 2012 Award! You can find it here:http://www.ugochi-jolomi.com/2013/02/yippee-nomination.html
    Congratulations!
    Have a super blessed day!
    Love

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  13. A lot of wisdom in this post. Putting God first in the equation is always great and leads to a strong foundation. His ways never fail. God bless you and your family.

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I love connecting with you all through comments. Your words bring my heart joy.