The Spirit of the Lord is on Me,
because the Lord has anointed Me
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives
and freedom to the prisoners;
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,
and the day of our God's vengeance;
to comfort all who mourn,
to provide for those who mourn in Zion;
to give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
festive oil instead of mourning,
and splendid clothes instead of despair.
And they will be called righteous trees,
planted by the Lord
to glorify Him.
As I began praying yesterday for today's inspiration I began telling God all the things I could write about. I would get excited about one, but then the idea would quickly fizzle and another one would pop into my head. When I woke this morning I was pretty sure what I would write about, but the Lord had a different plan. You see, I struggle with worthiness. I wasn't sure I wanted to share this with anyone, but God placed it on my heart to write about it because it may just touch someone who needs it.
I grew up in a dysfunctional, broken home. I do not use those words lightly. I do not plan on going into too much detail, as I don't want to bring shame to those involved. However, I feel I need to give enough information to be helpful. My parents divorced when I was very young. After a few years, my brother was sent to live with my father. My mother and I moved five hours away and rarely did we see my brother. My father never contacted me except to send a gift on my birthday and Christmas. My mother dated quite a bit and more than one man lived in our home (not at the same time). All types of abuse assaulted me as a child and into adulthood.
Needless to say, I felt unloved. I did things I am ashamed of and wish I could take back. I knew about God, but I did not know God. I desperately wanted, needed to be loved. I searched and searched, but honestly never found real love. The things I thought were love were certainly not.
I struggled into my adulthood and tried to make humans my savior. It never worked, of course. I was invited to a Bible study and it changed my life. I could not get enough of studying God's Word. I found love and it was the real deal. The Bible speaks about a peace washing over you and your life being changed. I cannot even tell you how much truth that is. I fell in love with my real Savior and life has never been the same. I made a choice. I was an injured child, but I did not have to be a bleeding adult.
Yes, I still struggle from time to time, but I now lean on my sweet Jesus for comfort. I have learned that people and circumstances do not get to define me. My worth comes from the one and only Jesus Christ.
If you struggle with self worth, know that there is a love like no other who desires to fill you up with good. He can turn your ashes into something beautiful. Your worthlessness can turn to worthiness. Because, regardless of what your sweet mind thinks, Jesus knows you are worth everything to Him.
You turned my lament into dancing;
You removed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
Death will no longer exist;
grief, crying, and pain will exist no longer,
because the previous things have passed away.
My babes are so precious to me but, more importantly, they are precious to God. May they never doubt their worth.